"Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time"

The world seems to be getting more and more cutthroat. Sure, there are more opportunities, greater technology to reach a bigger audience, but it also seems more difficult?...daunting?...harder to leave your mark?

Think about it: it seems that everyone has their own etsy shop. Everyone dabbles in photography, art, or making some kind of product. If youre a blogger, someone has already written it (and they wrote it better). I feel like the arts are becoming like Mary Kay. Everyone's selling it, so where's the opportunity for someone to leave their mark?

Ok, so artistic styles differ compared to standard Mary Kay products, but the concept feels the same. The doubts are the same - what's different about what I have to offer? It's enough to make me want to give up before I've even started.

Yet, as human beings, we all have an innate desire - or even a need - to create. Whether it's a piece of art, a photo, a meal, an accessory, an item of clothing, a song, we all want to create something that didn't exist before. We want to leave our mark. But...what do we do when there is no more room on the canvas that is life. Or when all the marks on it seem the same that ours won't even stand out? How do we make our voices heard? How do we continue to create when every message we hear tells us "why bother"?

I think what I want to know most of all is, what even is my voice? What do I want to leave the world? Am I a writer, an artist, a craftsperson, a photographer, a stylist, a chef, a DIY queen?

To echo Sondheim, "what I want most of all is to know what I want."

Full Circle

Last week was my 33rd birthday, and we celebrated in the best possible way - a weekend in NYC with family and lots of good food.

The weather was beautiful for most all of the trip - it did rain on my birthday, as has been a habit throughout the years, but it held off for most of the day, and we enjoyed a sunny, springtime morning and afternoon.

I'm not sure when during the trip it dawned on me that it was TEN years ago that I spent my 23rd birthday in NYC. It was a rough period of my life, but my brother and sister-in-law invited me to get away for a few days for some fun in the city - and boy, did they spoil me! My brother introduced me to cupcakes and banana pudding at Magnolia Bakery, my sister-in-law and I got TONS of shopping time together (when I got one of the best pairs of shoes I've ever had), and they sent me home with a custom-made birthday cd. It was full of happy, hopeful songs, and I still remember tears streaming down my face as sat facing backwards on thr train, listening to Rascal Flatts' "Bless the broken road." (I also remember the woman sitting a few seats up from me, looking with a concerned look on her face. She must've wondered what was going on.)

And now, ten years later, I spent my birthday again in the city. This time, I was spoiled by ALL of my siblings - my brother, my sister-in-law, and my sisters. My niece and nephew showered me with lots of love, and I had my amazing and adoring husband by my side. I don't think that I could've imagined such a sweet life for myself a decade ago.

Aches and Pains

Feeling 33

Yesterday I woke up feeling a little weirder than usual. It could be because I have a job that utilizes my body nonstop, or because I practiced my contortionist skills as I got our suitcases out of our Jenga storage closet myself (rather than wait for my big, strong husband to do it when he got home from work). Either way, I hurt in ways I've never hurt before. (It probably didn't help that I then proceeded to have a day at work where I essentially wore a 20-30 pound backpack while jumping and dancing around.) Needless to say, I've discovered some new ways of stretching and popping parts of my body (and I mean that in the least dirty and perverted ways possible).

Could it be my body's way of saying, "hey, you're going to be 33, so here's a whole new body ache for you! Think of it as a rite of passage!"

Thanks, body, but I'm too young to feel like this!

#byefelicia
#idontevenknowwherethatsayingcomesfrom
#whosfelicia
#itswhatallthekidssaythesedays

Sadie, Sadie

Feeling 33

Today is 7 months exactly that we've been married. I believe all birthdays are special,  however this will be my first birthday as a married lady!!!

It's just the first of many more married birthdays to come.

*Cue twirling.*

Good Deeds at Wawa

Feeling 33

It might be time to get some new tires for my car. My tire pressure light seems to be coming on more than usual, so I probably should bring it in to the shop soon. Thank goodness for Wawa and it's free air machine. (And it's just another excuse for me to get one of their soft pretzels, which are ah-MAZ-ing, and a drink from the freestyle Coke machine. Soda and carbs, two of the great things in life.)

This most recent trip to Wawa started off great - there was no line for the free air, so I got right to work. I was on my way to meet up with my mom and stepfather, and since I had an hour's drive ahead of me, I wanted to get on the road as soon as possible. I'd just started filling tire #2, when I heard a lady's voice ask, "Are you gonna be much longer?"

Standing on the other side of my car was a middle-aged woman, with a cane and a wrist brace. My first reaction was to be annoyed. Filling up my tires wasn't what I wanted to be doing in the first place, and the heat didn't make it any more fun. Now there was somebody looking over my shoulder, wanting me to hurry. Ugh.

But this woman didn't look like she could exactly fill up her tires easily, what with the cane and wrist brace...

"Do you need some help? I could check your tires for you." I said, not really thinking about it. You would've thought I'd offered to wash her car inside and out, she was so grateful.

She ended up telling me all about how her son was supposed to take care of her car for her, but he kept forgetting. We chatted about our different cars, the Florida traffic, our families...the whole interaction took less than 10 minutes,  but as we got into our cars to leave, she thanked me, and told me to "thank [my] mom for raising such a sweet daughter."

I didn't exactly feel like I could pat myself on the back, as I thought about the episode of "Friends" when Joey tries to prove to Phoebe that there are no truly selfless good deeds. I felt so good that I was able to help that lady, I definitely felt like it wasn't any sacrifice to help her because I was riding high on endorphins.

It was with a twinge of guilt that I left the Wawa. I thought of all the times that I could've helped someone, but was in too much of a hurry, or too oblivious. I realize that we can't help everyone, and there definitely are (unfortunately) people in the world who will take advantage of someone's generosity. But I think that, as we try to keep our hearts in tune to those little nudges from the Holy Spirit (or from whatever higher power you may believe in), we'll find those opportunities like I had at the Wawa, to lend a hand that will make someone's day - and make yours as well.

Steaked

Feeling 33

How have I gone almost 33 years without making a homemade steak??

Since my hubby is such a good sport about eating so many vegetable-based dinners that I make, I wanted to put some love in his tummy by making an old-fashioned steak-and-potatoes dinner that he'd been craving. And what says love better than meat?

Here's the recipe to the steaks. I just got some 5-oz sirloins at Target, and seared them with some steak seasonings, olive oil, and butter. Hubby said they turned out tasty, and if our awful stove can cook up a good steak, then anybody can do it!

The potatoes were a big hit. I grabbed some russet potatoes that were on sale, sliced them in wedges, then cooked them according to this recipe. Soooo easy, I'll be making them again soon!

No pictures made it (we were too busy eating to take any), but here's a picture of the aftermath.

Dancing in the rain

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine, and she was recounting the latest chick flick she'd seen. It was a Nicholas Sparks-soft-filtered-everyone's-a-model kind of love story, one that goes for every romantic cliché. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for chick flicks, but sometimes I get so frustrated by those romance stories that try to tell us that they are the ONLY kind of romantic stories out there.

When I was thinking about what I wanted to do for Feeling 33, one of the things that I thought would be cool would be to slow dance in the rain with my beloved. I've never done that before, and it's one of those clichés that seems to have snuck its way into my proverbial bucket list.

I haven't made it happen yet. Maybe because I'm either at work when it rains, or it's like a monsoon-hurricane when it rains here (as was the case last night). Maybe someday we'll make it happen.  Meanwhile, I think about the things that do happen on a weekly basis - like talking together on the couch that leads to laughing-so-hard-I'm-crying-and-stop-my-stomach-hurts-I-can't-breathe, or lip syncing / playing air instruments to music in the car - that I feel makes our love story pretty much perfect.

Sorry, Nicholas Sparks, but my life beats The Notebook any day.

Pass It On

Feeling 33

This past Valentine's Day, I was SO EXCITED to get home after a looooong day of work to be with my honey (and eat Chinese food on heart shaped plates. That's winning right there). You know how you feel like you just can't get home fast enough after a long day? I decided to take the toll road home so that I could get there as fast as possible. With my money ready, I slowed to a stop at the toll plaza, only to be told by the booth operator to go ahead, someone else paid extra for another car's toll. Just that little surprise made the day even better. So, when I started the list of potential ideas that would become "Feeling 33", paying a stranger's toll made it on to the list.

Since I don't take toll roads that often, it wasn't until this week that I actually had the opportunity to "pay it forward". I got my money all set, and when I reached the toll booth, I told the operator that I'd like to pay for the car behind me, as well. As I drove away, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the car behind me reach out to hand over his money, and then I saw the booth operator gesture towards my vehicle driving away. I have no idea who the driver was, or what his response was, but it felt so good to know that maybe I'd made his day a little bit better.

Pass it on!

So Egg-cited

Feeling 33

There's one thing that I've never been a fan of, and that is the yoke in a hard boiled egg. I'm fine with it if it's it egg salad or a deviled egg, but if it's just plain, then no thank you. However I loooooove the white in hard boiled eggs. So this morning I got an idea - I'd try soft boiled eggs! Then I'd get the best of both worlds - the white from hard boiled eggs and the yolk from fried eggs. Thanks to Pinterest, I found a great site with instructions (because I need them!) here.

Even though it was super easy, I didn't place the egg in the boiling water quite gently enough. Next time, I'll try a spoon so it won't crack. But the final product was deeeelicious!

Almost 33 years old, and I just made my very first soft boiled egg. Just another example of how it's never too late to try something new!

My Timehop Bores Me (and why that's a good thing)

Feeling 33

Ahh, Timehop. Another social media tool to let the world know what we're doing - or rather, what we did. Don't get me wrong, I think it's pretty nifty. It's fun to look back and see how far I've come, and also be reminded how time flies. But my Timehop is also pretty boring. And I'm ok with that.

Whenever I see the Timehop notification that invites me to take a look back over what I was doing last year, two years, or seven years ago (because that's when I really started using social media), I get all excited - it's like a shiny package that I can't wait to open.

But then I find myself scrolling to the end of it and feeling like, "that's all? That's all that happened?" Ok, I'm being melodramatic. There are a lot of good things and fond memories from the past few years, but I also feel like there are some wonderful things happening right now, and to use an old cliche, "the best is yet to come." 

So as much fun as I've had in years past, I have no desire to go back, because it just keeps getting better and better. 

#gettingbetterallthetime
#thebestisyettocome
#howmanysongtitlescaniputinthispost
#blessed

Why I married him

Feeling 33

Last night, we went to the dollar store down the street from our home to get some Easter decorations. While I was perusing the assortment of plastic Easter eggs, my hubby says to me:

"If you need some eggs, I've got a bunch of them. I use them to make puppet eyes."

Best. Husband. Ever.

Oh where is my Easter Puffalump

Feeling 33

Seeing the adorable Easter egg garland that my niece and nephew made (pictures posted by my sister-in-law on their amazing blog), made me so excited about Easter!...and a little bit sad, as I realized that Easter is just a few days away and it isn't even CLOSE to Beginning to Look a Lot Like Easter in our home.
My hubby and I have a lot of stuff. What can I say, we're Geeks. And Geeks have lots of books, movies, magazines, comic books, journals, collectibles, and other things. Having so much stuff, however, requires us to be creative when it comes to adding decorations to our little apartment around all the stuff. I think we did a pretty rockin' job with Christmas, Valentine's Day was not bad, St Patrick's Day was a noble effort (as we're not Irish), but try as we might, we seem to be lacking in the Easter decor. It pains me to say that I can't find my purple Easter Puffalump (brought to moi by the Easter Bunny many moons ago). BUT I still have my Peter Rabbit (from the Easter Bunny, circa 1989 - I think).
I always loved how my childhood home looked all decorated from Easter, and I must say that I had the best Easter basket when I was little (it had iridescent Easter grass). So even though a part of me wishes that I could recreate the kind of Easter decor that I had growing up, I'm so excited to celebrate our first Easter together as husband and wife - and all of the Easters we have to look forward to together! Our Easter decor may be small, but it's just the foundation. And after all, it isn't the decorations, it's the memories that mean the most.

Miracles

Feeling 33

For some reason, I've been clumsier than usual lately. For example:

- As I was hanging a group of photos above our TV, I hit my head on the bookcase next to the TV table. It hurt for days.

- Not two days later, I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Because I didn't turn the light on, as I turned to walk back into the bedroom, I walked right into the door, slamming my right eye. I thought for sure I'd have a black eye when I woke up, but instead it just hurt a ton every time I tried to put on make-up.

- And then, while getting ready to take a shower, I knocked my head into the shower caddy after turning on the water - in the same place I'd hit it on the bookcase earlier in the week.

Yep, that all happened within the same week.

(Also, I have a dark bruise on my knee and I have NO idea how it got there.)

So, while at work, I had an idea - what if I could teach myself to trip! You know, like how people do these optical illusions or stage combat thingys. I mean, since I have a clumsy tendency anyway, what if I could trip at will! How cool would that be? (In my defense, I've been very tired lately.)

But let me tell you, learning how to pretend trip is a lot harder than being naturally clumsy. Every time I would try to pretend trip, my instincts would kick in, trying to keep me safe. It got me thinking - aren't our bodies miraculous? Not only the way we have reflexes to catch ourselves, but also the way our body heals after we get injured. (I realized this after accidentally slicing my finger while washing my Ninja Pro Master Blender.)

So, even though my clumsiness can be a little annoying (and painful), I'm so grateful for this body of mine.

I'm still going to work on my pretend tripping, though!

Food for the soul

Feeling 33

Since I'm trying to do things I've never done before, along with doing my favorite things during Project Feeling 33, I thought I would finally read "The Little Prince." I bought the book forever ago with plans to read it, as it came highly recommended by, well, everyone. I got a great deal on Amazon for it, but then I got distracted by other series, like The Vampire Academy, Bloodlines, and Murder, She Wrote. (Don't judge me.)

However it was worth the wait. And it's now one of my favorite inspirational books. It made me want to reread some of my other favorite, uplifting books - and to explore other highly recommended stories.

Sparkly Delights

Feeling 33

A dear friend and mentor of mine, Ramona Zabriskie, put into print a concept that most of us know, subconsciously - women need pampering (or "delighting" as she calls it). It's important that we find ways to boost our spirits in small ways each day. In her book, "Wife For Life: The Power to Succeed in Marriage" (one of my favorite reads of this year and of all time), she writes, "Delighting your own heart relieves everyone in the family [and I would add, everyone in your life - coworkers, friends, etc.] from the impossible responsibility of making or keeping you happy from day to day. It frees your heart to spend less energy on stress and self-pity, and far more energy on those you love."

Basically, you can't rely on anyone else to make you happy. And anyone who knows me knows that what I LOVE more than soda, "Psych" and food, are sparkles.

One of the ways that I've taken to "delighting" my heart is with my wide array of (mostly) sparkly make-up. I think I may have a make-up collecting addiction....

I may not have anywhere "special" to go, but using and mixing different colors and shades brings out the artist in me - it's like a mini art project every day and allows me to be creative.

It's just another way to bring more sparkle into my life. And you can never have too much sparkle.

Everything Tastes Better With Cheese

Feeling 33

If I had a dollar for every time someone commented on the size of my salads, I'd have a lot of dollars. You could say I take after Elaine Benes on "Seinfeld" - I LOVE my Big Salads. I think I might have been a rabbit in a former life. (If I believed in that stuff.)

Since not everyone shares my love of "rabbit food," it's an ongoing quest to find recipes that will jazz up vegetables. I know when I've found a winner because my hubby will go for seconds ALONG with telling me how much he likes the dish. I think that last night's recipe will be a keeper!

Fancy

Feeling 33

On my list of things to do before I turn 33, one of them was to make a soufflé. I'm not sure why, they just always sound so fancy and elegant, and it makes you sound like you know your way around a kitchen. Think about it, someone asks, "what did you make for dessert?" You say, "oh, I made some brownies." Sounds yummy, but it's pretty common (not that that's a bad thing. I'm never going t turn down brownies!). Now, if someone says they made a soufflé for dessert, my eyes widen and my voice gets all high and I go, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!" Sort of like the green aliens' reaction in "Toy Story" only much higher. They just sound so classy and sophisticated.

Using an "easy" recipe I found on Pinterest, I attempted these mini individual chocolate soufflés for me and the hubby.

Despite my lack of kitchen counter space, I managed to follow all the steps and watch with wonder as the egg whites became all fluffy. (And let me add, phrases such as "do not overbeat" and "fold gently into the mixture" fill me with terror because I have a tendency to over do things when it comes to cooking.)

Using my beautiful bright pink Kitchen Aid mixer (thanks, Steve and Dad!) and the mini ramekins that we got for our wedding, the soufflés turned out light and fluffy - they tasted like a warm chocolate marshmallow cake.

Note: my hubby's soufflés DID collapse as it sat for a while before he got home from work, but I managed to get some pictures of the soufflés immediately before and after they were in the oven.

I'd say they were a success for my first soufflés. Cross that off the bucket list!

Crabby

Feeling 33

I've been trying to focus on being more positive these days leading up to my birthday, as one of the things I wanted to hopefully gain out of "Feeling 33" was to become a little bit better. Yet of course, today feels like I've morphed into the forgotten eight dwarf, Crabby. Before I can stop them, the nastiest replies have slipped from my mouth...my filter is gone - the one that reminds you, "you can't say that out loud." And I'm "throwing so much shade" it's like I'm a celebrity at an awards event.

Unfortunately, feeling like Grumpy's long lost cousin makes me feel less like reading uplifting books, learning new skills, or being creative, and more like sitting in a corner, sulking, because I don't have any peanut M&M's in which to drown my sorrows/annoyances/petty frustrations. So, there goes my project on "working on myself"...

That's how my mind tends to work - black or white, all or nothing. At one time it served its purpose and helped me cope, but it's not a very fun way of living anymore. I suppose this day of crabbiness (hopefully it's only a day...) is a good reminder that I am human. Perfection doesn't exist in the sense that I'm never not going to have bad days. I'm going to make mistakes, be in bad moods, and take more than a few steps backwards every time I make progress. It's all part of this journey of life. Thirty-three years I've been with myself, and I'm still learning how to accept myself, "wrinkles and all."

My sister-in-law has the most amazing blog, and in her post for the New Year she talked about how we now live in a very Instagram world - you know, where everything is perfectly filtered even when there's #nofilter? And for many of us (although we feel like the minority), we definitely don't have our lives as together as it appears that other people do. But as messy and imperfect as real life is, there's also something so wonderful about how perfectly imperfect it is. It's all a part of the same system - "can't appreciate light without the darkness", "ships in the harbor are safe, but that's not what ships are built for", "trees that have to fight the elements grown up stronger", all of that stuff people tell us. It's true - it's true and it sucks, but it's also great.

There's a great part in the film "Silver Linings Playbook" when Jennifer Lawrence's character talks about her past and her flaws. She says, "There will always be a part of me that is sloppy and dirty, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive."

So, although I didn't add "be more accepting and kind towards myself" to my list of ideas for Feeling 33, it squeezed its way into my life on its own. I'm human. I make mistakes. I have bad days, weeks, months. But I can forgive myself when I mess up, and keep trying.

Animal

Feeling 33

I am an animal lover. When I was little I wanted to be a marine biologist, until I found out that I'd have to be good at, you know, science and stuff. (I'm an artsy girl at heart.) Even though I love animals, I'm not at the point in my life where I'm necessarily a pet person. It's not good for pets to be alone while their owners are away working 15 hour days. Maybe someday we'll get a pet, when our schedules - and our apartment complex - allow it. In the meantime, my love for animals is limited to my Instagram feed and other social media sites. Here are just a few of my favorites. They can also bring happy moments into my days!

Bilingual

Feeling 33

When I was 13, I tried to learn Spanish from one of those tape sets. I took French for two years and barely passed my high school class. The only language that I've managed to master is the best of all (in my opinion) - the language of film quotes.

I found this image on Tumblr yesterday, and I think I should just make it into a t-shirt.

My family is pretty well versed in movie quotes, too, and there have been times when my sisters and I have had full conversations using lines from our favorite movies and tv shows. Pretty pathetic? Or pretty AWESOME.

My hubby's also schooled in the language - it was one of the first things that drew me to him, especially his great knowledge of Muppet quotes (and it doesn't hurt that he's got the voices down perfectly). We've been teaching each other new quotes since we got together. I inundated him with "Psych," and he's been sharing "Star Trek" with me (the series and films). There are times when I'm not thinking and I'll slip into a quote from something he hasn't seen yet, then I have to explain it to him.

Like the other night, for instance. For some odd reason, I lapsed into Aibileen's "You is smart, you is kind, you is important" from "The Help." Of course, Matt had no idea what I was talking about - so I pulled up the movie clip thanks to YouTube. Now we have another movie quote to add to our repertoire.

Are there any fantastically quotable movies / tv shows that my language needs? Let me know. I'm always looking to improve myself. :)

Boldly go

Feeling 33

I loooooove hanging things on our walls. It's one of the greatest perks of being in our own apartment (and not sharing it with anyone). I've always liked to have pictures of loved ones, favorite things, favorite quotes around my place to remind me of the good things in life. My hubby has been the biggest supporter of this obsession - er, preference, using our stud finder, drill and leveler like a pro to hang massive antique-looking mirrors, wedding portraits, and shadowboxes. (Is there anything this guy can't do??)
Wall decor is one of the best things to make our place feel like HOME, and since we have so much wall space, and thanks to Pinterest, I'm always looking at things to add.

I found a small chalkboard in a vintage-looking frame at Target (yay, Dollar Spot! Another obsession...). I love how chalkboards seem to have made such a comeback in the design trend. We used one in our engagement session as a prop with our wedding date on it, which was the first time I'd ever used chalk markers. It turned out so cute, but the markers don't work on porous surfaces (which lots of chalkboards that I've found are). So, we still have the chalkboard with our wedding date on it, since it won't wipe off completely. Not wanting the same thing to happen to this frame, I picked up a small box of Crayola sidewalk chalk. Oh, man has chalk changed since I was a kid! The variety of colors is amazing, and the colors are gorgeous - and there's something SO FUN about drawing with chalk. It brought me back to being five-years-old and drawing on my art easel in our art studio. The final image isn't as clear / sharp as with chalk markers, but at least it's not permanent.

I was trying to think of an uplifting, quirky quote to put in the frame, and since my hubby's affection for Star Trek has rubbed off on me, I thought the juxtaposition of the old-fashioned frame with this "futuristic" quote was cute.

Now I need to find another project with which to use my chalk! Or I guess I could just go draw in our parking lot...

Feeling 33

It's now 33 days until my birthday, and honestly, I've been a little apprehensive about that number. Although I know that age is only a number, this number in particular seems more fit for mothers of three or two children; or women who have made significant progress in their careers, or have accumulated multiple degrees. And then there's me - a childless newlywed who's still growing in her profession. Since accepting myself and "owning my story" are two of the things I've been working on, I've decided to take these days leading up to my birthday to find ways to not only recognize who I am, but to celebrate life. I'm calling this little endeavor "Feeling 33" (like the line in the Taylor Swift song - or "Tay Tay" as my husband calls her -  "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22").
Let project Feeling 33 commence!

Mamah and me

Maybe it was from my obsession with Jane Austen films. Maybe it was something my nickname-creating littlest sister came up with, and it just stuck. Whatever caused it, at one point I began calling my mother "Ma-MAH" on occasion. Mom and I always had a very close, special relationship. Even when I was a "moody teenager", my mom was one of my favorite people to spend time with, and as I grew older, the facet of friends was added to the Mother/Daughter facet of our relationship.

While there is still a great deal about life that I am still learning, one thing I do know is that it never turns out the way you expect. That's why it isn't completely difficult to believe that my mother and I both had our weddings in the same year.

At my mom's wedding reception - August 2014

With Mamah on my wedding day - September 2014 (photo by livehappystudio.com)

After all, it's the unexpected, unorthodox experiences that tends to make life sweet. And then there are the moments when you're stressed to the max (and you have so many stress hives, your body seems to have turned into one huge hive), feeling anxious and worried, and you wish that things would just be "normal" and "typical" and that you could just step in the footprints of all of those that have tread the same path before you...

..but my path seems to always be off the beaten path...


















Maybe it would be "easier" to have a more "typical" life, but I couldn't help thinking as I talked to my mom on the phone today, how, for lack of a better word, COOL it was that we we're now both in similar periods of our lives. There may be thirty-something years between us, but we're both going through the same kind of transition - as newlywed brides.

If you have ever told the 13-year-old me that LOVED Jane Austen romances, how my life would be two decades later and all of the things I would experience, I probably would find it hard to believe. But I love my story - because it's mine, after all!

And I love my mamah.