Dancing in the rain

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine, and she was recounting the latest chick flick she'd seen. It was a Nicholas Sparks-soft-filtered-everyone's-a-model kind of love story, one that goes for every romantic cliché. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for chick flicks, but sometimes I get so frustrated by those romance stories that try to tell us that they are the ONLY kind of romantic stories out there.

When I was thinking about what I wanted to do for Feeling 33, one of the things that I thought would be cool would be to slow dance in the rain with my beloved. I've never done that before, and it's one of those clichés that seems to have snuck its way into my proverbial bucket list.

I haven't made it happen yet. Maybe because I'm either at work when it rains, or it's like a monsoon-hurricane when it rains here (as was the case last night). Maybe someday we'll make it happen.  Meanwhile, I think about the things that do happen on a weekly basis - like talking together on the couch that leads to laughing-so-hard-I'm-crying-and-stop-my-stomach-hurts-I-can't-breathe, or lip syncing / playing air instruments to music in the car - that I feel makes our love story pretty much perfect.

Sorry, Nicholas Sparks, but my life beats The Notebook any day.

Why I married him

Feeling 33

Last night, we went to the dollar store down the street from our home to get some Easter decorations. While I was perusing the assortment of plastic Easter eggs, my hubby says to me:

"If you need some eggs, I've got a bunch of them. I use them to make puppet eyes."

Best. Husband. Ever.

Mamah and me

Maybe it was from my obsession with Jane Austen films. Maybe it was something my nickname-creating littlest sister came up with, and it just stuck. Whatever caused it, at one point I began calling my mother "Ma-MAH" on occasion. Mom and I always had a very close, special relationship. Even when I was a "moody teenager", my mom was one of my favorite people to spend time with, and as I grew older, the facet of friends was added to the Mother/Daughter facet of our relationship.

While there is still a great deal about life that I am still learning, one thing I do know is that it never turns out the way you expect. That's why it isn't completely difficult to believe that my mother and I both had our weddings in the same year.

At my mom's wedding reception - August 2014

With Mamah on my wedding day - September 2014 (photo by livehappystudio.com)

After all, it's the unexpected, unorthodox experiences that tends to make life sweet. And then there are the moments when you're stressed to the max (and you have so many stress hives, your body seems to have turned into one huge hive), feeling anxious and worried, and you wish that things would just be "normal" and "typical" and that you could just step in the footprints of all of those that have tread the same path before you...

..but my path seems to always be off the beaten path...


















Maybe it would be "easier" to have a more "typical" life, but I couldn't help thinking as I talked to my mom on the phone today, how, for lack of a better word, COOL it was that we we're now both in similar periods of our lives. There may be thirty-something years between us, but we're both going through the same kind of transition - as newlywed brides.

If you have ever told the 13-year-old me that LOVED Jane Austen romances, how my life would be two decades later and all of the things I would experience, I probably would find it hard to believe. But I love my story - because it's mine, after all!

And I love my mamah.

Magic Backstage

It is now 132 days that we've been married (says the countdown app on my phone). It's crazy to believe that this time last year we were in the midst of planning our wedding, and now we're already over 4 months in. It's crazy. And wonderful. Life is fabulous.

This morning I received an email from TheKnot.com, asking for our engagement story and ring details. "Cool!" I thought. "Maybe I can use it for a blog post later after I tell TheKnot all about it!" Turns out, they didn't want me to tell them our proposal story in my own words, they just wanted me to fill out a survey...which I did anyway because it entered me in a contest for a $200 gift card. But it totally got me thinking that I should blog about our proposal story because it's just so...us. And I've been meaning for a while to update the ol' blog. So, for all of you out there in the blogosphere, this is the engagement story of Matt and Adele.

For those who unfamiliar with our story, it's very much a chick flick formula: boy and girl meet, boy likes girl, girl's been hurt so she hesitates returning boy's affections, boy and girl are good friends, boy and girl fall in love. Seriously, if Nora Ephron were still alive, I'm sure she'd want the rights to our story (may she rest in peace). Since we were such good friends for so long, both of us knew that the relationship would eventually lead to marriage once we got together. As scary as it was to realize, it was after the first month that we both began thinking about the "M word".

As much as we knew that we were in it for the long haul, we weren't rushing into an engagement. Even with the holidays coming and the questions coming in of "Is he giving you a ring for Christmas??" we both focused on being committed to each other, and doing things when it was right for us.

So imagine my surprise when I had a sparkly ring on my finger that December 31st.

 Both of us were working that New Year's Eve, as was the norm for those in the theme park business. Matt finished up a couple of hours before I did, so he came to hang out with me until my shift was done, then we both planned to head up to my mom's to ring in the new year with my siblings, niece and nephew. I noticed that Matt was quieter than usual as he sat with me that evening. Usually, neither of us can stop laughing or talking with each other when we're together, but he seemed unusually pensive. When I asked if everything was ok, he replied, "Yeah, I'm just thinking..." Little did I know what he was thinking about!

When my shift was finally over, we headed to where our cars were parked backstage at the park. Matt said that he wanted to swing by one of the park's theaters where he was scheduled to work the next day to check something out, so we made a quick detour. He disappeared inside for a moment, while I stayed outside. A few minutes later, he joined me. It was so quiet outside in the backstage area. There were no other performers, no techs, no other workers, just the two of us. "I didn't really need to check anything, I just wanted an excuse to come over here." he said. And with that, he dropped to one knee. "Will you marry me, baby?" he asked quietly.

Actually it was more like, Him: "Will you marry m-"
Me: "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!!!"
He barely got the whole phrase out, when I'd accepted.

I was shaking, giddy, not knowing whether to cry or laugh. He opened up the ring box, and the most perfect, dainty, vintage engagement ring sparkled in the street lamps and the light mist that began to fall. We hugged and kissed and kissed, and then the world just started spinning for both of us as we realized "HOLY--....WE'RE ENGAGED!!!"

As we walked to our cars, passing other workers leaving for the night, I marveled at how Matt and I just had a momentous event occur - yet no one could tell just by looking at us that we'd just had a life-changing fifteen minutes.

Showing the ring to my family and friends, I thought back to the "Wedding notebook" I'd made during my early teen years - full of ideas about dresses, flowers, reception venues, music, and rings - and nothing in it came close to the ring that Matt had given me. The ring he gave me belonged to his grandmother. It's nothing that I ever thought of for myself, but I love it so much - it's PERFECT for me. Just like my guy. It has now been over a year since he gave the ring to me, and not counting the week that it took to get resized, I haven't been without my engagement ring. I still find myself admiring it often, especially in certain lighting or the Florida sunshine. It's not like the ring pictures I cut out for my wedding book when I was fourteen, but really, how crazy is that? To think that at FOURTEEN someone would know the kind of engagement ring they'd want someday. Maybe there are some people that know at a very young age, and more power to them. There's nothing wrong with making plans and having dreams for the future, but for me, clinging rigidly to those plans often got me so far from the dreams that I had and wanted so desperately to come true.

Matt was nothing like I had ever expected the man I would fall in love with to be. Yet he was everything - and more - than I'd ever dreamed of. He's my proof that life has amazing things in store for you, things greater than your dreams. But narrowly focusing on old dreams, or ones that don't quite fit anymore, or dreams that you think you "should" have (because that's what others have told you that you should want) can lead you to overlook or completely miss those amazing things that life has to offer. That nearly happened to me, but I am forever grateful that I didn't miss out on life's greatest gem.

Maybe I'm Amazed

From our first month of dating. 

One year ago today, I told one of my very good friends that I had romantic feelings for him. I guess you could say that, in the words of REO Speedwagon, I just couldn't "fight this feeling anymore." My "crush" (I hate calling it that, because I feel like it makes my feelings seem so juvenile or inconsequential, or not serious) had been building for a while - about a year and a half, actually. It finally got to the point when I was comparing every guy I went on a date with to him, so I decided - with a nudge from another friend - to tell him how I felt.
As scary as it was (what if he doesn't feel the same way I do? what if I completely ruin our friendship? what if it goes horribly wrong and my heart gets shattered again?), I knew that I had to take the risk. I just had a feeling that if he felt the way I did, and we got together that it could be REALLY great. It could either end up really badly, or be really amazing - and I just had a feeling (I'm sorry, I had to say it again) that it would be great.
I say that I knew, but I really had no idea how incredibly great it would be. Even through the first few moments of awkwardness those early days as we navigated going from friends to significant others it was still so easy. It felt like we just belonged together.
Over the past year I've learned so many things about love - things that I'd always hoped were true, but prior to now I had no experience or proof. And it has been one of the most eye-opening, mind-blowing, truly wonderful years of my life. As scary as it was to open myself up one year ago, I am forever grateful that I did, because it led me to not only my best friend, but my greatest love.


Baby, I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time.
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you. 
Baby I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time, 
Hung me on a line.
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you.

Model Behavior

I was one of those little girls who wanted to be in love since I saw my first movie musical. I couldn't wait for the day my big, strong, romantic love would take me in his arms and profess (hopefully through song) his deep feelings for me.

My mom got married when she was about 22, so I figured that I would follow in her footsteps. Although my parents met in high school, I didn't think I would find my One True Love during my years in public high school. Maybe people matured faster during the years my parents' grew up. Maybe not. In any case, I thought that I would at least have the chance to practice interacting with boys when I became a teenager by going out on dates.

When that didn't really happen (my mom had to find me a date to my Junior Prom, so sparse was the dating pool for me), I figured I'd meet my One True Love when I went to college. Since I was planning on getting married in my early 20s, I'd probably meet him during my first couple of semesters.

Or not.

Don't get me wrong, my life has been a fantastic journey, and I wouldn't trade any of it. But my "goal age" to be married came and went, and that man I'd dreamed of since I was a little girl was no where to be found.

Until about two and a half years ago.

I'm now a big believer in the saying that love comes along when you stop looking for it. Well, I don't know if I would say that I stopped looking for it altogether because there was always the hope that I'd be lucky to find someone to share my life with - hopefully sooner rather than later - I just wasn't looking for it very proactively. Especially not at work. I'd always said that I would never date a co-worker, but there was something about Matt that made me struggle with that statement for a year and a half before finally realizing that I wasn't just dating a co-worker - I was dating a dear friend and one of the best men I'd ever known. From our first interactions together, through the early months of our friendship, I knew that Matt was someone special. He was unlike any other guys I'd met before - he was the first guy I felt that I could be myself with, and he liked and accepted who I was at face value.

When we finally started dating almost a year ago, it wasn't long before I realized that he was The Real Deal - the kind of man I'd been hoping and looking for since I was little. He was even better than the man I'd imagined for myself. He was not just my best friend, my biggest supporter, and most generous partner, but my greatest love. With him, life was just better. 

Now my left hand wears the family heirloom that has been passed down to him. I may have given my heart to him long ago, but now the whole world can see that my heart belongs to him by the sparkler on my finger.

As we prepare for our life together and our wedding, our plans include the unique (Muppets wedding decorations), to the usual. A few weeks ago, we had the expected engagement photo shoot. For days and days I mulled over what to wear, scouring my closet, Google and Pinterest for ideas that would convey the mood I wanted while hiding my physical flaws. I couldn't wait until we got the proofs from the shoot - I hoped they'd look like the gorgeous shots I'd seen online of friends and strangers.

But picture after picture I found something wrong. Ohmigosh, my butt is huge in that one. Why didn't I hide my thunder thighs? Ugh, that shot shows my double chin. Hello, sausage arms. Why didn't I diet for months before? Couldn't I have made time to get a haircut? 

I felt like the pictures were something I'd looked forward to for so long, and I'd ruined most of them by.....well, by being visibly myself.

I was ready to go bed, depressed by the lack of pictures that I deemed "fit for display." And then it dawned on me: I was robbing myself of these photographs that documented the love between me and my fiance. So what if I didn't look like a supermodel? I look at these pictures and I see a couple that loves being together. I see two people who have had their trials and struggles, but have found someone who makes the good times twice as good and the bad times half as bad. I see a man who adores me as I am - "thunder-esque thighs" and all. I see a girl who is deeply in love with her very best friend. The trust and understanding and acceptance that exists between us may not be visible, and they may not be the type of perfect looking pictures that people share online. But they're us. And years from now, maybe I'll still notice my un-supermodel figure, but I hope that what I'll focus on in these pictures is the dream come true of two best friends in love with one another.

My Bean!!!!

There are few people that I consider to be ideal roommates. One of them is this individual:

Ok, so that picture is a couple of years old...well, about 20 years old. I should probably use this one instead:

Early this morning, my littlest sis flew up to the Northeast to finish up her last semester of college. This past week was her spring break, and since the rest of us lame-o adults had to work, she spent most of her break on an air mattress at my new apartment (which slowly deflated around 3:30-4am each morning, leaving her sleeping on a layer of plastic on my bedroom floor). This girl is a trooper.

And I've got to say it, just having her there made my days so much better.

Most people may know her for her ridiculously awesome talent (see the video below)


Or her awesome wit and sense of humor

What others may not know is she is also one of the sweetest, most patient people on the planet.
She has certainly put up with a lot from me, especially over the last few years since I moved back home. Now she had to share a car, which entailed juggling schedules, and being super flexible as we tried to make both of our work schedules mesh. (And most of the time they didn't.) I lost track of how many days she had to either go in early or wait long after her shift was over because our work schedules couldn't BE more opposite.

But as difficult as the past few years may have been, I am so grateful for the time we had together during her breaks from college. I was lucky to have lived with my other little sister when we were at college together, and it was such a fun bonding experience, I really wanted an experience like that with my littlest sister so that we could also form our own memories together. Having my littlest sister be my "roommate" (even if it was just at our house, or my apartment, or a certain bug-infested hovel that shall remain nameless...), has just proved to me what I learned years ago: my sisters are my favorite roommates of all time, and my best friends.

It's hard to believe she's on her last leg of her undergrad studies. It seems like only yesterday it was her winter break...and she was talking me down when I got stressed out and had a meltdown in the car due to very long weeks of dreaming along with a bunch of characters...trying to cheer me up with a grape Mello Yellow Zero (don't knock it 'til you've tried it!), and making me laugh with her re-enactments of SNL sketches or John Mulaney bits.

She always has a way to make me smile and cheer me up, especially when I'm feeling at my lowest. She is a listening ear and compassionate shoulder to lean on. She has wisdom and insight that is rare to find in someone as young as she is, and it seems that I'm usually the one going to her for advice. :) She can make an ordinary day feel like a day out of a super fun vacation. Not only is she beautiful outside and in, but she makes the world a more beautiful place with her smiles, laughter, and bright-sunny-you-have-to-believe spirit.

I am so very very blessed to have her as one of my very best friends (cue Disney song). I can't wait for the fun times ahead. I love you, Schmoopsie!! And I miss you.

The Power of Vulnerability

A friend of mine shared this video on Facebook. I've watched a few talks on TED.com before that blew my mind - so that fact, along with the title that resonated so deeply with me, intrigued me enough to postpone my bedtime by another 20 minutes so that I could watch it. I think this talk is going to be my new obsession for a while....

Check it out - whether you're profoundly affected as I was, or at the very least entertained, it'll be worth your time.

3 Years

This past Monday marked the 3 year anniversary of my homecoming from serving as a missionary in the Illinois Peoria Mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

On the day I got home - with our late dog, Lucas (he remembered me!)

I never imagined that I would be a full-time missionary, but during a period of my life when I was feeling particularly unsure about the direction of my life, my bishop at the time suggested that I serve a mission.  Previously, whenever someone would suggest that, I would get a little freaked out - but this time, I knew that it was EXACTLY what I needed to do, and wanted to do with all of my heart.

About 7 months after deciding to serve a mission, I arrived in the Illinois Peoria Mission - which was the best mission in the world (I don't care what anybody else says!).

The plaque outside the mission office.

I never knew corn fields could be so beautiful....

For 18 months, I traveled throughout central Illinois and northeastern Missouri, teaching the AMAZING people there why we're here on the earth, where we came from before we were born, and where we go after this life is through - also known as our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness - which all centers around the Atonement of Jesus Christ, our Savior.  It was the most glorious experience of my life as I grew to love the good people of the towns in which I served, and my Savior who was the reason I was there.  (For more about what Mormons believe, check this out.)

("Gentle Healer" copyright Greg Olsen)

I was blessed to meet the most incredible people, especially my "long-lost twin" Lisa, who was one of the other missionaries with which I served.  She became the best friend that I'd been wanting since my childhood - and she was definitely worth the 20-plus year wait!

(we seriously had so much fun together)

I also had the great blessing of serving under the leadership of President Brent L. Top and his wife, Sister Wendy Top, and serving with other amazing missionaries, like Elder and Sister Rich -

I was blessed to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with some truly amazing people

With Laura on her baptism day

With the Browns - one of the greatest families ever!

There were times when I felt that I didn't quite measure up....

And found myself in some interesting situations....

But "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass", and I witnessed that the tender mercies of the Lord truly ARE over all of his children.
I really can't put it any better than the great missionary Ammon declared in the Book of Mormon:
"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."



I can't believe that it was three years ago - twice the length of the mission itself.  It still remains one of the greatest, most cherished experiences in my life.

Three years later, and my mission continues to bless my life in the most amazing ways.  God truly has been so good to me - and so I "will praise his name forever."

"Walk with Me" by Greg Olsen

"Our diet starts tomorrow....."

I love this video - these boys are almost too good at being "girls."  I especially love the part when they talk about what they ate all day - "I shared a bagel with the garbage," "I actually digested a HUGE gust of wind on my way to work," "I ate two chocolate cheesecakes...."  And then there's that classic line: "Our diet starts tomorrow!!"  It's hilarious....because it's true.  How many times have I said that myself?  It's ironic that I grew up with Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, who constantly reminded me:

and that I was great and special just the way I was, yet I often find myself sucked into the world's obsession with "the perfect size."  The funny thing is, even though the control freak within me wants to believe that tragedy and heartbreak will leave me alone if I look a certain way, it's ultimately a fallacy.  As I look back over the years, experience has taught me that happiness and bliss come at any size.  To illustrate my point, 

this was me at one of my "heaviest" times, after getting home from my mission (ahhh, good times with my sisters!)

and here I am at some of my "tiniest" times:

 Same girl, different sizes.  To be honest, "I love myself" a little bit more when there's less of me to love, and during the times of bigger jean sizes (like as of late), I tend to believe that others may feel the same way.  But regardless of how I feel, there is one very cool fact - there are people in my life who love me no matter what and regardless of how I look, because the relationships we have are based on things that go deeper than what's on the surface.  That's one of the amazing things about life - the real connections we can make with others, and the close relationships that can be formed.  But it requires jumping in with both feet - letting others see you at your "worst," revealing that (*gasp!*) you aren't, in fact, perfect, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  It's completely terrifying.  And completely wonderful.  Because when you find those kindred spirits who love you (to quote "Bridget Jones' Diary")  "just as you are," it is one of the most freeing and incredible experiences in life.
And so, I will continue to jump in with both feet - bigger jeans and all.