Model Behavior

I was one of those little girls who wanted to be in love since I saw my first movie musical. I couldn't wait for the day my big, strong, romantic love would take me in his arms and profess (hopefully through song) his deep feelings for me.

My mom got married when she was about 22, so I figured that I would follow in her footsteps. Although my parents met in high school, I didn't think I would find my One True Love during my years in public high school. Maybe people matured faster during the years my parents' grew up. Maybe not. In any case, I thought that I would at least have the chance to practice interacting with boys when I became a teenager by going out on dates.

When that didn't really happen (my mom had to find me a date to my Junior Prom, so sparse was the dating pool for me), I figured I'd meet my One True Love when I went to college. Since I was planning on getting married in my early 20s, I'd probably meet him during my first couple of semesters.

Or not.

Don't get me wrong, my life has been a fantastic journey, and I wouldn't trade any of it. But my "goal age" to be married came and went, and that man I'd dreamed of since I was a little girl was no where to be found.

Until about two and a half years ago.

I'm now a big believer in the saying that love comes along when you stop looking for it. Well, I don't know if I would say that I stopped looking for it altogether because there was always the hope that I'd be lucky to find someone to share my life with - hopefully sooner rather than later - I just wasn't looking for it very proactively. Especially not at work. I'd always said that I would never date a co-worker, but there was something about Matt that made me struggle with that statement for a year and a half before finally realizing that I wasn't just dating a co-worker - I was dating a dear friend and one of the best men I'd ever known. From our first interactions together, through the early months of our friendship, I knew that Matt was someone special. He was unlike any other guys I'd met before - he was the first guy I felt that I could be myself with, and he liked and accepted who I was at face value.

When we finally started dating almost a year ago, it wasn't long before I realized that he was The Real Deal - the kind of man I'd been hoping and looking for since I was little. He was even better than the man I'd imagined for myself. He was not just my best friend, my biggest supporter, and most generous partner, but my greatest love. With him, life was just better. 

Now my left hand wears the family heirloom that has been passed down to him. I may have given my heart to him long ago, but now the whole world can see that my heart belongs to him by the sparkler on my finger.

As we prepare for our life together and our wedding, our plans include the unique (Muppets wedding decorations), to the usual. A few weeks ago, we had the expected engagement photo shoot. For days and days I mulled over what to wear, scouring my closet, Google and Pinterest for ideas that would convey the mood I wanted while hiding my physical flaws. I couldn't wait until we got the proofs from the shoot - I hoped they'd look like the gorgeous shots I'd seen online of friends and strangers.

But picture after picture I found something wrong. Ohmigosh, my butt is huge in that one. Why didn't I hide my thunder thighs? Ugh, that shot shows my double chin. Hello, sausage arms. Why didn't I diet for months before? Couldn't I have made time to get a haircut? 

I felt like the pictures were something I'd looked forward to for so long, and I'd ruined most of them by.....well, by being visibly myself.

I was ready to go bed, depressed by the lack of pictures that I deemed "fit for display." And then it dawned on me: I was robbing myself of these photographs that documented the love between me and my fiance. So what if I didn't look like a supermodel? I look at these pictures and I see a couple that loves being together. I see two people who have had their trials and struggles, but have found someone who makes the good times twice as good and the bad times half as bad. I see a man who adores me as I am - "thunder-esque thighs" and all. I see a girl who is deeply in love with her very best friend. The trust and understanding and acceptance that exists between us may not be visible, and they may not be the type of perfect looking pictures that people share online. But they're us. And years from now, maybe I'll still notice my un-supermodel figure, but I hope that what I'll focus on in these pictures is the dream come true of two best friends in love with one another.

I Believe in Love

I am a fan of love.  And since it's Valentine's Day, in the words of Natalie Cole, "I've got love on my mind" - more so than usual, that is.  The problem is, I don't know how to devote an entire post to love without incessantly quoting love songs....or movies....I guess because they all just say it so well.  So, this is my tribute to:

Romantic Love
"Above all things I believe in love.  Love is like oxygen.  Love is a many-splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love! ~ Moulin Rouge

"Love doesn't come in a minute.  Sometimes it doesn't come at all.  I only know that when I'm in it, it isn't silly - no, it isn't silly, love isn't silly at all."              ~ Paul McCartney & Wings

"The way you cut a rug, watching you is the only drug I need.  So gangster, I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of.  
You see, I can be myself now finally.  In fact, there's nothing I can't be.  I want the world to see you'll be with me...."
 ~ Train

"Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back.  And how do you find him?  Forget your head and listen to your heart... Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back.  Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this.  To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all.  You have to try.  Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." ~ Meet Joe Black

As Lumiere once sighed, "Ah, l'amour...."  And for those like me who may not have a romantic love of their own, it's okay - we just haven't met them yet!


"Brotherly" (Family) Love

"Meet Joe Black" is one LOOOOONG movie....but it does have some great quotes.  One in particular really captures the unconditional love among a family.  When asked how he knows if his wife loves him, Jeffrey Tambor's character lovingly explains, "Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's okay."  Even when I feel flawed and inadequate, my family's love is always constant, giving me strength and buoying me up to become better.  Having the love and support of my parents, my siblings, and my extended family is truly one of the most precious gifts I have ever been blessed with.  I am truly thankful for the love of my family.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”  ~ Dr. Seuss

Friendship Love
"Friends help you when you're in danger, friends are people who are not strangers.  Friends help you shift to a new place, tell you if you've got food on your face."  ~ Flight of the Conchords 

 








"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."  

 

"I get by with a little help from my friends." 

~ The Beatles

Charity - the Pure Love of Christ

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.....charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever..."  (The Book of Mormon, Moroni 7:45-47)

Of course the greatest love that has cause for celebration on this holiday that celebrates love is the pure love of Christ.  It is His love that gives power to all other forms of love, and is perfect and eternal.  I love this quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland:

"Life has its share of some fear and some failure. Sometimes things fall short, don’t quite measure up. Sometimes in both personal and public life, we are seemingly left without strength to go on.  Sometimes people fail us, or economies and circumstance fail us, and life with its hardship and heartache can leave us feeling very alone.  But when such difficult moments come to us, I testify that there is one thing which will never, ever fail us. One thing alone will stand the test of all time, of all tribulation, all trouble, and all transgression.  One thing only never faileth—and that is the pure love of Christ....I testify that having loved us who are in the world, Christ loves us to the end.  His pure love never fails us.  Not now.  Not ever.  Not ever."  ("He Loved Them Unto the End," Ensign, Nov. 1989, 25.)

"In His Light" by Greg Olsen

I add my testimony to Elder Holland's.  I know that Christ's love is real, perfect, powerful, and true - and it is available every single day of the year, not just on Valentine's Day.  It is my hope that I can learn to love a little bit more like the Savior each day.

And may we continue to celebrate love all year long.

All Growns Up

I finally did it!!!

After 2 colleges, one associate's degree, a mission, and many steps off the beaten path, I received my bachelor's degree from Brigham Young University! 

That's me!









Mom and Gina flew out to attend my graduation, and it was so wonderful to all be together to celebrate!

Me and Mom outside the Marriott Center after commencement.

With Gina before leaving for commencement.

Sisters!

It was so much fun having all of the "Gabriel Girls" together again!

With Mia!

Even my best friend, Lisa, came to convocation!

 Mia and Gina got me a present for graduation - a graduation cap and gown for Buddy, my build-a-bear.  (And yes, I took him with me to convocation.  But he didn't walk across the stage with me haha.)















Even though it took me longer than many to receive my degree, as I contemplate my path to graduation, I am so grateful for the people, places and experiences that have been a part of my life for the past 2 1/2 years.

I'm especially grateful to have received my degree from BYU.  Never in a million years did I imagine that I'd ever be a "cougar," but it turned out to be the exact place I needed to be.  I have been so truly blessed with the most AMAZING experiences and opportunities - and I'm so excited for what's in store for the future!

With a Little Help from My Friends

I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine.

One is tap-dancing pharmaceutical salesman who agrees that what happened to Pluto is messed up.  The other is a psychic detective eccentric who looks good in jeans.

Oh, and did I mention their both characters from a TV show?.....

So, about 2 1/2 years ago, my sisters introduced me to the USA Network series "Psych" when I returned home from my mission.  It was actually the first TV I began watching (I finally caved and "broke the seal" after being home for a week and a half and not watching any TV), and once I saw my first episode ("American Duos" - see below)

 I was hooked.  Now in their 5th season, Shawn and Gus and the rest of the "Psych" gang have been my good friends through thick and thin, from the east to the west, continually keeping me smiling and laughing (and supplying me with the funniest quotations) no matter what life throws my way.

So, what is it about this show?  The friendship of Shawn and Gus?  Their endearing quirkiness to which it's so easy to relate?  The '80s references?  The pineapples?  The show's ability to find the humor and fun in every situation in life - from spelling bees, to high school reunions, to spanish soap operas?...

I know what you're thinking - "you are nuttier than a fruitcake and you need to get out and get a life and be with real people."  Ok, maybe you're right.....but, before you judge too harshly, watch a few episodes for yourself.  Then you'll know what I'm talking about when I say how I excitedly await each new episode every week and then watch them again on Hulu, or go through withdrawal when each season comes to an end, or buy each season on DVD, or feel like the world looks a little brighter after watching an episode.....


Yes, I am a BIG fan of delicious flavor. 

And to all my fellow "Psych-os", I give you the fist bump. :)

"Our diet starts tomorrow....."

I love this video - these boys are almost too good at being "girls."  I especially love the part when they talk about what they ate all day - "I shared a bagel with the garbage," "I actually digested a HUGE gust of wind on my way to work," "I ate two chocolate cheesecakes...."  And then there's that classic line: "Our diet starts tomorrow!!"  It's hilarious....because it's true.  How many times have I said that myself?  It's ironic that I grew up with Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, who constantly reminded me:

and that I was great and special just the way I was, yet I often find myself sucked into the world's obsession with "the perfect size."  The funny thing is, even though the control freak within me wants to believe that tragedy and heartbreak will leave me alone if I look a certain way, it's ultimately a fallacy.  As I look back over the years, experience has taught me that happiness and bliss come at any size.  To illustrate my point, 

this was me at one of my "heaviest" times, after getting home from my mission (ahhh, good times with my sisters!)

and here I am at some of my "tiniest" times:

 Same girl, different sizes.  To be honest, "I love myself" a little bit more when there's less of me to love, and during the times of bigger jean sizes (like as of late), I tend to believe that others may feel the same way.  But regardless of how I feel, there is one very cool fact - there are people in my life who love me no matter what and regardless of how I look, because the relationships we have are based on things that go deeper than what's on the surface.  That's one of the amazing things about life - the real connections we can make with others, and the close relationships that can be formed.  But it requires jumping in with both feet - letting others see you at your "worst," revealing that (*gasp!*) you aren't, in fact, perfect, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  It's completely terrifying.  And completely wonderful.  Because when you find those kindred spirits who love you (to quote "Bridget Jones' Diary")  "just as you are," it is one of the most freeing and incredible experiences in life.
And so, I will continue to jump in with both feet - bigger jeans and all.