Didn't I see this in a sitcom somewhere?

My body has not been very cooperative lately.  Sometimes I wish it came with replacement parts, so that when something isn't working properly, or causing pain or inconvenience, I could just switch it out - just like WALL-e! 






Seriously, how great would that be?
Well, my jaw has been giving me issues all week.  At first I thought I must've slept on it wrong.  Or maybe I chewed on an overwhelmingly tough Red Vine.  Whatever the case, it just kept getting worse and worse.  It was such a pain in the neck (or jaw), that it made the flu-like illness that kept me laid up all week seem like a birthday party compared to the pain.  It got so bad that I couldn't yawn or eat anything harder than oatmeal.  I thought I was on the road to recovery as I took it easy and iced it, sure that the self-diagnosed case of TMD (Temporomandibular disorders, according to WebMD) that I had would soon go away.

Today I woke up and thought that I had squashed my face against the pillow in a weird way during the night - you know how it feels when you wake up with pillowcase indentations on your cheek? - as my skin was sore around my jaw.  Asking the expert of the house (aka Mom) to take a look at my cheek/jaw, she said it looked infected, as the bottom left side of my jaw was all red and inflamed.  At least I could move my jaw, but this spot on my face sure hurt.  Early this afternoon, we finally made it to the local Urgent Care facility, which advertises that you can see a doctor in 15 minutes or less.

40 minutes later, I saw the doctor.  After the preliminary poking and prodding, he eventually deduced that I had cellulitis.  My first reaction was, "ok, I know I need to get to the gym to tone up a little bit, but should it be this painful??"  (Note: cellulitis is much different from cellulite.  See here.)

He wrote me a prescription for antibiotics, and then, sitting on the butcher-paper-covered examining table, states that he is going to "mark the area of infection" so that "if the redness spreads above the line" I should come back to get a different antibiotic.  I thought I had heard him wrong, but no.  He then proceeded to outline the infected area of my face with his ballpoint pen.



The conversation then proceeded as follows.

Me:  Sooo... what do I do if I need to shower?

Doctor:  (while drawing on my face)  Just let the water run over it.  Don't scrub it off.

(Silence.)

Me:  Okay.

I thought about asking him what I was supposed to do about work, my internship, and socializing, but decided against it.  Apparently he thought nothing of me going about my business with ink on my face. 

Needless to say, I wasn't the happiest camper as I left the doctor's office.  In the space of an hour, my mother laughed and looked incredulously at the outline on my face, and the cashier at CVS Pharmacy asked if I had a tattoo on my face.  Having my own share of insecurities about my looks has not been helped by the fact that I now look like I decided to try out a do-it-yourself home tattooing kit.

In the midst of my discomfort and self-consciousness, the thought has occurred to me that the whole situation seems like something out of an episode of prime-time television.  (Can't you just see something like this happening on "Friends," or "Sex and the City"?  Ross or Carrie comes in to the coffee shop or diner with pen on his/her face and says, "My body was defaced against my will."  "Oh, honey!" comes the response from close friends.  Laughter from the audience.)

Sadly, I'm not a character on a hit TV series (although I do have my own theme song....just kidding).  So I've been thinking about ways to deal with this crazy situation:






#1.)  Turn the mark on my face into something cool like a dragon, a Pac-man ghost, or map of Australia.










#2.)  Wear a scarf around my face a la Penelope.

#3.)  Pretend I don't know what people are talking about when they ask about my face.

Any ideas , just post a comment.  And here are some visuals to inspire you.

Yep, that was made with a ballpoint pen.  I knew I should've become a doctor!